healing, and all that

We all feel lost at times. Lost in our careers, at school, in our relationships, on the TTC (if you know, you know), and in life all together. It may be difficult to remember the person you once were, the person you strived to be, and the exact moment in your life when you lost direction. I’m sure for many, that feeling re-emerged in 2020, when suddenly all sense of control was beyond us. For others it was before that, or even recently. Each of us experiences life events, and revelations, that shift our perceptions of who we are and the direction we’re headed. In turn, this may cause us to question ourselves and what we truly want out of life. That little voice in your head, disguised as anxiety, insecurity, doubt, or fear, slowly grows louder and louder the more you struggle to navigate life.

We’re all going through something

Let’s be real, if you’re living on this earth, at this point in time, you’ve endured some sort of challenge. It’s how life goes. As you walk past a stranger on the street, there’s no telling what kind of day they’re having or the life they’ve lived. Similarly, no one except for you, has experienced all the tiny and major moments that your life is made up of. Because the truth is, we all go through things that no one else sees. 

Healing isn’t supposed to be pretty

So, how do we heal from those difficult-to-talk-about experiences? Those difficult-to-identify feelings that we carry inside, unsure of where they came from or what they mean? I’ll tell you one thing. The false illusion that says healing is linear is one that deceives many people and has deceived me. However, the first step towards finding peace is to accept that healing and growth is a series of highs and lows. Life is really just a constant cycle of learning and unlearning, so give yourself grace. Once you release the narrative that self-love and self-care is supposed to look perfect, or like the way it’s marketed on social media, you will learn so much more about yourself. We all fall off track sometimes, but it’s how we pick ourselves up that matters most.

Although … a nice candle-lit bubble bath from time to time is good for the soul too. In the future, I’ll write a feel-good post about the other component of healing: taking care of/pampering yourself.

A visualization

I’m a visual person, so I’ll offer an analogy. Healing, to me, is like a hospital monitor. Visualize the monitors you would normally see patients hooked up to in hospitals, which allow nurses and doctors to track vital signs. Picture all those squiggly lines that go up and down, signaling the vitality of an individual’s body. When under control, those lines bouncing up and down are a good sign. They indicate that the body’s organs are working together to keep the patient alive. Similarly, all of the daily actions you take—whether that’s working on forgiving someone who’s hurt you, forgiving yourself for past mistakes, accepting yourself, releasing guilt, practicing communication, learning to say no to certain things, learning to say yes to other things, letting go of resentment, rebuilding relationships, working on your physical and mental health, etc.—are all necessary building blocks towards healing.

That said, healing will not, and should not look linear. Would a doctor or nurse want to see their patient’s vitals flatlining? Certainly not, because that would signal something has stopped working. The intention behind this blog post was to remind you that whatever you’re going through today, or tomorrow, will not define you. It doesn’t have to, at least. Please don’t feel ashamed if your year isn’t off to the start, you hoped it would. There are still plenty of days ahead of you. If you’re feeling lost, unmotivated, or alone at any point this year, know that you will get through it. Life isn’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean this year can’t still be a wonderful year for you.

There’s still time

I find there’s a common misconception with the saying, “this year will be my year.” Most of us say it, and I too say it all the time. But I want to remind you (and myself), that a year being “your year” doesn’t mean there won’t be bumps in the road. It won’t look flawless. There will be creases that you’ll need to iron out. There will be bumps in the road and you may get a flat tire. But it’s only by moving forward, and learning how to problem-solve, that you’ll cherish the brighter days ahead of you. That’s how you can make this year, and all the years ahead of you, count. Having faith. So don’t write it off, give yourself time. Your journey thus far has been filled with highs and lows, and maybe you aren’t sure what’s next, but just know there are amazing moments ahead of you.

“May the best of your today’s be the worst of your tomorrow’s” – Jay Z

Sending you love always,

Kundi xo